Waaaaaay back, back in January, I made list of things I want to do this year. On that list was “learn how to use more features on WordPress.”

I’ve tried. Truly. I figured I’d start with themes, right? Because using the default theme is kind of like having your VCR clock blinking 12:00 all the time. (Do people still have VCRs?) In a process that took way more time than I thought it should, I managed to:

1. visit the WordPress theme directory
2. download some nifty themes (like this one!)
3. use WS_FTP LE to *upload* those themes to the correct directory (eventually)
4. discover that they did not work
5. become frustrated, as well as irritated that Steve “next week we’re just holding practices *at the hospital*” Wosniak and Holly “‘every day’s a Holly-day”” Madison are still on DWTS

As I was not (yet) too frustrated to continue, I discovered through sporadic clicking that a potential solution might be to upgrade to the newest version of WordPress. Right. Apparently, there’s *entire WordPress blogs* devoted to *figuring out how to use WordPress.* It’s like the opposite of Fight Club. The first rule of WordPress is that you *have* to talk about it, endlessly, and anyone who doesn’t know a php from a config *still* won’t have a clue what’s going on.

Conclusion: Can I hire a small child to do this for me? I have chocolate.

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