movie review: The Three Musketeers (2011 version)

1. Overall, I’m not sure what to say about this movie, but I’m going to say some stuff anyway.

2. It starts off with a whole scene involving the canals of Venice (and swimming in them), which from both a realism point of view and an ‘I’ve seen that episode of Doctor Who’ made me go “ewwwwwww.”

3. It reminded me in some ways of “A Knight’s Tale,” in that it was sort of a parody of itself, except that it was hard for me to develop any kind of fond feelings for the characters.

4. Airships as the ultimate military advantage? They had a sort of steampunk-ian coolness to them, and I get that planes were a game changer in warfare, but these were essentially hot air ballons being steered like a sailing vessel. I’ll take my chances on the ground, thanks.

5. Two of the Musketeers were familiar faces! D’Artagnan with short hair and a backpack was Percy Jackson, and Porthos with longer hair and an ax was Volstagg in Thor!

6. The intro to the movie is all about how the Musketeers are the only ones who can stop the potential apocalypse of a war between England and France (that’s the word the use, “apocalypse”). And yet, the movie ends with a shot of an English fleet (water ships and airships alike) advancing on France with the baddie vowing revenge. So… they failed? IDK, it got confusing there in the end with everything.

7. I do not regret spending one hour and fifty-one minutes watching this movie, but I’m not sure I’d recommend it to anyone.

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