Warning: This story is rated (R) for non-graphic erotic content (ie, intimacy between boys that includes orgasm).

Note: This story is intended as a followup to Pray Me Home, which itself follows Kiri's beautifully haunting story Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow. This story is posted with Kiri's permission.

Day 1

"If we're gonna do this," Jack told Kat, "we're gonna do it our way."

She listened.  Sky listened, which was probably more surprising.  So they set the Drews' civilian shuttle down on an SPD landing pad with five people waiting for them: Catherine, Cruger, Syd, Bridge, and Z.  No security, no media.  No Kylee Drew.

Jack and Sky were flanked by Jewel and Kat as they stepped off of the shuttle, which gave everyone except Catherine pause.  B Squad looked startled to see another Ranger.  Cruger looked nonplussed that his unacknowledged girlfriend had flown with them.  Catherine stepped forward, searched her son's expression, and put her arms around him without a word.

It didn't keep them out of the infirmary, of course.  And if Jack had worried that Sky would freak out at the sight of it, the man's steady and distant demeanor proved him wrong.  His inability to predict Sky's reaction was just another painful reminder that this wasn't his Sky, no matter the occasional flash of recognition or the memories that surfaced at odd moments.  This was a still-cold stranger with Sky's face who seemed, every now and then, to remember that he was supposed to like Jack.

Now wasn't one of those moments.  Sky was surrounded by his teammates, Syd and Catherine standing with their arms around each other while Bridge babbled about something.  Jack couldn't help a flash of jealousy: that should be his place, there next to Sky's mom.  Syd didn't even know them.

"Cadet Landors."  The commander got Jewel's attention, at least, but Jack didn't bother to straighten.  He wasn't even sure what he was doing here anymore.  "A word, if you would."

Huh.  Not an order.  That was interesting.  Jack caught Jewel's eye and she stepped forward to follow them out of the room.  He didn't see Sky pause, watching them go.

"Sir," Jack said, saluting more out of habit than anything else.  He had been ready to let SPD go.  He'd been ready to walk away, and the moment the Drews' shuttle had closed behind him and an unconscious Sky, he'd given up the idea of ever being here again.

"At ease, Cadet."  Cruger didn't acknowledge Jewel in any way.  "I'd like your opinion, as Cadet Tate's team leader--"  And Jack heard the warning in his voice: don't make this personal.  "Is he fit for duty?"

Something in his chest clenched, and for a second he couldn't breathe.  No, he wanted to say.  He wanted to scream.  No, Sky wasn't fit for duty, not here.  Not for this organization.  SPD didn't deserve him.

"Commander," Jack said, forcing the words out past the tightness.  "Sky is SPD.  He is, and always has been, better than he needs to be for any task you see fit to assign him."

"Yes."  Cruger sounded slow and thoughtful.  "He is, isn't he."  Almost as an afterthought, he added, "Thank you, Cadet."

Don't ever do that again, Jack wanted to say.  Sky has people who care about him.  He has family.  He has me.  Don't ask him to make decisions he's incapable of when there are plenty of people around who are willing to step up.

And don't ever lie to me about him again.

"Sir," Jack blurted out.  "Sky wants to be here.  He loves this place.  Even after everything, he still wants to be here.  It'd be easy to take advantage of faith like that."

Cruger stared down at him, and for a moment Jack thought he'd gone too far.  It was a warning, and not a subtle one--but it was nowhere near the ultimatum he wanted to deliver.  He was very aware of Jewel at his shoulder, but Cruger didn't so much as glance at her.

"Then, Cadet," the commander said evenly, "it's just as well you're here.  To ensure that no one does."

There was nothing Jack could say to that except, "Yes, sir."  He saluted, turning to make good on his previous dismissal.  But Cruger stopped him again.

"Cadet," he said, not waiting for Jack to turn back.  "SPD is in your debt."

Jack froze.  What was that supposed to mean?

More quietly, Cruger added, "Thank you for bringing him back to us."

He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't control the disbelief that escaped.  "I didn't bring him back," he said.  "He brought me back.  He begged me to come with him.  I'm here for Sky, Commander."

The implication that he couldn't care less about SPD right now hung unspoken between them.  When Cruger didn't answer, Jack looked at Jewel.  But she was just waiting, taking no sides, so he went back into the infirmary and glared resentfully at the crowd around Sky some more.

Cruger didn't follow him.

Night 1

He didn't see Sky for the rest of the day.  He didn't begrudge Catherine the time with her son, and obviously they had a lot of stuff to get straight.  He knew he shouldn't be surprised when Sky didn't turn up on base that night, choosing instead to stay at his mom's house, and he knew better than to hold out the faint hope that Sky had changed his mind about SPD.

It was just that Jack felt stupidly lonely without him.  Even with all of Sky's teammates around him--his teammates, he reminded himself, although after two weeks spent with Sky reliving the ache of D Squad's dissolution, it was harder than ever to think of them that way.  Hard, too, to answer questions they now seemed to think they were directing at an insider.

Being an outsider hadn't been all bad.  At least he hadn't had to talk about everything he'd lost, over and over again, until he didn't know what to tell them anymore.  Why had he left?  Why had he let SPD do that to him?  To them?  It had seemed the mature thing to do at the time, the brave thing: to walk away.  To stop standing in Sky's way.

Well, screw mature.  Sky hadn't done any better without him.  They'd gotten into trouble together, they'd gotten chewed out and reprimanded and put on night watch more times than he could count.  But at least neither of them had ever had their memories erased.

"That's why they picked us," Syd said at one point.  She seemed to feel there was plenty of guilt to go around, and Jack couldn't decide whether to be irritated that she was sharing it or not.  "Me and Bridge.  To stabilize Sky."

"They told me he was recovering from a telepathic attack," Bridge said thoughtfully.  "They said I might notice some residual effects.  I was supposed to report any concerns to the infirmary."

"They told me he'd requested me," Syd said, apparently ignoring Bridge's comments.  "I went straight to C Squad, you know; no probation or orientation or anything.  Sky always said he had nothing to do with it, but I figured he was just being Sky."

"He really didn't," Bridge remarked.  He was clearly paying closer attention than she was.  "They must have picked us to be emotional anchors after the mindwipe.  He knew you, and I'm sort of..."  He made an idle hand gesture.  "Calming."

"Super soothing," Syd agreed, though she still looked distant.  "Plus you could monitor him if anything went wrong."

It wasn't hard for Jack to imagine that kind of manipulation.  It was harder for him to imagine Sky going along with it, not noticing, not questioning--but, hey.  Mindless automaton.  He hadn't meant it; he'd lost his temper and the words had just slipped out.  But there was no denying that Sky was a lot more... obedient than he'd been before.

Day 2

Sky reported along with the rest of B Squad the next morning, and for two whole hours he managed to maintain the illusion.  He ignored everyone's questions, telling them to do their jobs and he would do his.  He didn't look at Jack except as duty required.  He was, to all outward appearances, the perfect SPD cadet.

It left Jack feeling empty inside.  What had it all been for?  What was he even doing here?  Sure, SPD had "welcomed" him back, supposedly because they were too scared of what he might say not to, but Sky had completely shut him out.  It was like the last two weeks hadn't happened at all.

Until they ran into krybots on patrol and Jack tried out one of Z's showy moves.  She made it look easy and graceful, and hey, what did he have to lose?  It was just a bunch of krybots.  It was practically a training simulation.

He didn't quite make it.  One of them grabbed his ankle and he swung, out of control, into something hard and possibly concussion-inducing before he hit the ground.  Ranger or not, the impact knocked the wind out of him, and he curled into the pain instinctively.

It was Sky's name that Z was yelling, though, and he rolled away from another blow without even seeing it.  That was the thing about the Power, he thought, muscles responding without conscious direction.  You didn't have to be able to breathe to fight.

He was back up, gasping, deactivating a krybot almost without noticing.  He was too busy trying to assess the lock two of them had on Sky--the rest of them were swarming even as he realized what he was seeing.  Somehow they had identified him as the weak link, and all it took was for one of them to grab his free arm.

Sky lost it.  With a strangled cry and power than came from fear, not finesse, he jerked free and immediately went down.  Taken out by an attack any D level cadet would have seen coming.  It was up to the rest of B Squad to tear the krybots away and haul him to his feet in their wake.

"You okay?" Z demanded, but Jack had seen enough.

"You asked to be put back on duty," he snapped.  "You said you were fine!  What the hell was that, because it sure didn't look like you being fine to me!"

"Stop showing off," Sky said tightly, "and maybe I wouldn't have to cover for you."

"Okay, if you had one sentence to convince me you're really okay," Jack told him, "that wasn't it.  You're on indefinite medical leave starting right now."

"Jack," Syd protested.  "We all make mistakes.  You don't have to sideline him for it."

"That wasn't a mistake," Jack said.  "That was a fucking flashback."

Syd folded her arms, but she gave Sky a sideways glance.  Bridge was squinting at him.  Z looked back and forth between the two of them without any attempt to hide it, and when Sky didn't say anything she demanded, "Well?  Was it?"

"Jack thinks it was," Sky said sharply.  "What does it matter what I think?"

"It matters," Z told him.  "We can't help you if we don't know what's going on, Sky."

"I don't need your help!" he exclaimed.  "I didn't ask for it, and I don't need it!  I've done just fine for the last two years!"

It hurt right where he doubted most--was Sky better off without him?--and the pain was enough to hold him back.  Too much.  He was too gentle.  Sky's defensive shell wouldn't shatter just because he wanted it to.

Saying, "I'm sorry if I'm inconvenient," wasn't anywhere near enough to get through.

"I don't even know you," Sky snapped.  "What is this, really?  How can I trust anyone!"

It was the last straw.  After everything they'd been through, after everything he'd done--after everything he'd seen, been forced to watch, it was just too much.  Jack couldn't talk him down one more time.

"I don't know you!" he shouted.  "You're a fucking ghost!  Don't trust me, fine, I don't care, but you gotta trust someone!  Someone who isn't SPD, someone who won't feed you the same bullshit you've been hearing for years!"

"You're SPD!" Sky yelled back.  "Why you and not them!"

"Because you asked me!" Jack exploded.  "I'm only here because you asked me to be!  I can't live with what they did to you, can't look at it every day and not see who you used to be--I can't do this if you don't at least try!"

"So leave!" Sky shouted.  "If it's so hard, walk away!  Isn't that what you always do?"

"Look who's talking!"  Jack lashed out without thinking.  "Is it so hard to--to--"  He stammered as Sky's accusation caught up with him.  "Wait, what?  What do I always do?"

"Forget it," Sky snapped.  "You want to get rid of me, fine.  I'll transfer this time."

"What the fuck are you talking about!" Jack exclaimed.  "Why do you think I'm here!  I want you!  I never stopped wanting you!"

"You want the guy you remember!" Sky yelled.  "I'm not him!  I'll never be him!"

"Don't tell me what I want!" Jack shouted.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Sky shouted back.  "It's been my life for the last two years, and maybe it's not up to your standards, but this is all I know how to do, okay?"

"Listen to me!"  Jack stepped into him, not pushing him, just forcing him to choose: to touch or not to touch.  It was a terrible angle for fighting, for arguing, for anything except kissing, and Sky knew it.  He looked away automatically.

"I came here," Jack continued, "and all I knew was stealing.  I was good at it, never did anything else--until you!  You turned my life around.  So I figure, however I feel about you, I owe you.

"You showed me how to be more," he added.  "I can show you.  Just give me a chance."

Sky didn't answer.

No one said anything, and just for a moment, Jack was too aware of the rest of the team.  Standing here, silent, watching.  Witnessing their first real episode of the Jack and Sky show, he thought distantly.  He could only hope they would have time to get used to it.

"Tell me to walk away again," Jack said.  "Tell me you don't want me here."

Sky sounded stiff and far away as he asked, "What would that accomplish?"

"Nothing," Jack admitted.  "But it would make me feel better if you couldn't say it."

Sky looked down at him, finally.  If he didn't quite smile, his expression was at least a little lighter.  "I want you here," he said.  Soft, but definitive.  That was all Jack asked.

"Enough to kiss me?" he suggested.

Almost all he asked.

"We're on duty," Sky informed him.

"Well, technically speaking," Bridge interrupted, "you're not, Sky."

Jack pointed at him without looking.  "Man's got a point."

"No public displays of affection in uniform," Sky said, as though he was quoting something.  The manual, Jack wondered?  Was there a section on public displays of affection?  He'd never read it that carefully.

"You're always in uniform," Jack reminded him.  "It never stopped you before.  Also, we're not in public.  I think the team can handle it."

"We're standing on a public street," Sky pointed out.  "They split us up once, Jack.  I don't want to give them a reason to do it again."

That was almost enough, right there.  The admission that Sky didn't want him to go, that he wanted them to be together.  That it mattered to him one way or the other.

But Jack had never been one to settle.  "If we let them tell us what we can't do," he said, "the list will never end.  They're not going to give us anything, Sky.  We have to take it."

"Careful."  But Sky was smiling down at him now, a small but actual smile, and he still hadn't stepped back.  "Your background's showing."

"Yours isn't showing enough," Jack countered.  That was all he got out before Sky pressed a brief kiss to his mouth, warm and sweet and hell, would you look at that.  He was kissing Sky Tate on the streets of New Tech again.

When he tried to press into it, though, Sky's hands found his shoulders and pushed him back.  "I draw the line at making out in front of witnesses," he said firmly.  "Sorry."

"Are you?" Jack prodded.  "Sorry?"

Sky's mouth quirked upward at the corner.  "Yeah," he said.  "I am."

"Good enough for me," Jack declared.

"Uh, hello?"  Syd waved at them.  "Is this typical of you with Jack?  The fighting, followed by the kissing?"

"Yes," Jack answered for him.  "Believe it or not, we used to look really tame compared to the rest of the team."

"Yeah, well."  Bridge didn't sound surprised by this.  "Pretty much anything looks tame next to Charlie, so."

"So what's the deal with the flashbacks?" Z asked, like the rest of it hadn't happened.  "Have you been having them right along?"

Jack was already shaking his head when Sky said, "Yeah.  They're getting more frequent."

Jack stared at him.  "And you didn't think it was important to mention this before?"

"Wait, you didn't know?"  Syd sounded surprised.

"Oh, like I wanted to spend more time in the infirmary," Sky scoffed.  "Why would I mention it?  I thought you already knew."

"How would I know?" Jack demanded.  "I can't magically read your mind.  You have to actually say things, like, 'Gee, I'm having creepy flashbacks that might make me freeze at inconvenient times.  Like in the middle of a fight!'"

"I'm remembering," Sky snapped.  "That's all.  It just catches me by surprise sometimes."

"Okay, let's not do this again," Syd said quickly.  "Sky, talk to Jack more.  Jack, give Sky some space.  There.  You can skip straight to the kissing, if you want."

While Jack was trying to decide whether or not to be offended by this, he saw Sky smile a little.  That was three times in just the last few minutes.  He tried to relax, eyeing them.  Having teammates again might not be so bad after all.

Night 2

What he hadn't expected about Sky's medical leave was that Dr. Felix would feel the need to assign Sky supervision.  In the form of Jack.  Which, honestly, was better than anyone else Sky could have had looking after him, but still.

He'd come back to Earth to fight the bad guys, not collect workman's comp.

On the plus side, Sky started talking to him again.  It was the base, he said.  He thought.  Familiar things seemed to be triggering memories in a way nothing but Jack had done before.  Which kind of made sense: Jack been the only familiar thing he had until they got back here.

Really, Jack wanted to know?  What kind of memories did he trigger?

You know, Sky said evasively.  Things.

"What things?" Jack insisted.  "Fighting?  Training?  Kissing?  What?"

Sky was sitting next to him on the floor of his room, both of them with their backs against Jack's bed.  It was one of the only comfortable places to sit in cadet rooms, which weren't designed for hanging out.  Cadets were encouraged to socialize, to use the lounges and common areas in their off time.

They were socializing, Jack thought.  With each other.  Privately.

"I remember--"  Sky couldn't seem to spit it out.  "On Mirinoi, I mean... waking up.  Next to you.  It seemed--really familiar."

Jack tried desperately to hide his grin.  "Yeah?" he drawled.  "Well, we were roommates for three years.  That probably has something to do with it."

Sky cleared his throat.  "You were, uh--closer than that.  On Mirinoi."

"I didn't want to get in your space," Jack said.  It was a losing battle with the grin, because fuck, Sky remembered.  But he couldn't resist teasing, so he kept it as friendly and casual as he could.  "I didn't want it to be weird."

"It wasn't," Sky said.  "It wasn't weird."

That was all he said, though, and Jack waited as long as he could.  Just as he was about to crack, Sky asked, "How--I mean, before.  We were..."

Jack didn't look at him, but he was sure Sky could read his smile like a book.  He was gonna get called on it any second.  So he said, "Tell me what you remember."

It was the wrong thing to say.

"I don't know," Sky muttered, clearly frustrated.  "I know what I think I remember, I know what seems right.  What feels right.  But I don't know what's true and what's not."

"So show me," Jack said instead.  "Show me what you remember."

Sky turned his head, and Jack might have held his breath except that he'd felt like he couldn't breathe all day.  This was the first time he'd thought maybe it would be okay.  That maybe he wouldn't have to.

If Sky could do it for him.

"Can I?" Sky asked softly.  "You told me not to kiss you."

Exasperation flared.  "I told you that days ago," he said.  "How many times have I said it's okay since then?"

"Twice," Sky said.  It was an easy answer, like he didn't have to think about it.  Like he'd been keeping count.  Like he'd had to keep count.

"It's okay," Jack exclaimed, waving one hand in a dramatic approximation of permission.  "It's a blanket okay.  You can kiss me whenever you want.  Okay?"

"Okay," Sky echoed.  Jack had just begun to smile when Sky touched his face, turning his head, fingers sliding down to rest on his jaw.  "I remember this," Sky murmured, leaning in to kiss him.

Jack's mouth was open when they met, and Sky didn't seem surprised.  He took Jack's tongue, met it with his own, and Jack was reaching for him before he'd even thought about what he was doing.  One hand slid around behind Sky's neck, the other tangling in his shirt: holding him there.  Keeping him from slipping away.

Sky kissed him harder, hot and rough and more sure of himself by the second.  He let Jack clutch him, using Sky's strength to hold himself up as he pressed closer, and god, that was so good.  His whole body was crying for this, desperate for contact, needing that solid weight against him to feel like he was real.

Sky's arm slipped, bracing himself harder against the floor, and there were two ways they could go.  He could let go, let himself fall, pull Sky down on top of him--but Sky might catch himself, holding back.  Breaking the embrace.  Or he could shove Sky back, give him no choice... plaster himself against a man he'd sworn he wouldn't push.

Fuck it.  He was on his knees, in Sky's lap, pressing him back against the bed while he tried to draw Sky's breath into his lungs.  This was Sky.  Sweet, sexy, stoic... Sky.  Robin Hood's apprentice.  The man who had learned to steal for him, and the one who had taught him how to win without cheating.

He heard Sky moan and he lost it.  He couldn't hold back, couldn't keep from surging against him, desperate and hungry and out of control.  He thought he remembered every single time he had wrung that sound out of Sky, and every image was clamoring for space in his brain.

Sky, pinning him to the mats in the training room, eyes wide and dark when Jack refused to fight.  Pressed up against an alley wall one Friday night.  Naked in the showers.  On his stomach in the bed, face buried in pillows while he tried to be quiet.  

Eyes closed, mouth open, beautiful and bright and somehow more himself than he could be with anyone else.

Jack was on fire, furious and frantic and frustrated as he tried to breathe those memories out of Sky.  Or into him.  His Sky.  Please.  He felt the mouth beneath his soften, letting him deeper, and there was a hand cupping the back of his head.

Cradling him.  Sky's other arm was around his waist, not scrabbling at his clothes, just holding him in an unbreakable grip that seemed to forgive any number of sins.  Jack felt something inside him burst, head falling to Sky's shoulder even as his hips jerked, harsh and involuntary and he could hear himself crying.  Sobbing with it.

He couldn't stop and Sky held onto him, letting him cry into a t-shirt that should have been grey.  It had been grey, last time.  It was blue now.  His Sky was gone, and in his place there was B Squad Blue.  A man Jack couldn't predict, barely knew, could hardly understand.

"It'll be all right," Sky was whispering, still cupping the back of his head while Jack cried into his shoulder.  "It's okay.  We're both going to make it.  We'll get through this.  This is SPD, remember?  Weird stuff happens all the time."

Sky's other hand was stroking his back gently.  Jack was starting to feel like he was suffocating, but he didn't dare lift his head.  He drew in the deepest breath he could, felt it shudder, felt it come out as a sob... and Sky just petted his hair, resting his head against Jack's briefly and hugging him a little harder.

"It's okay," he murmured.  "You did it, Jack.  You beat this thing for both of us.  I can do it, okay?  I can do the rest of it.  You just have to give me time.  I'll get it."

Now Sky was practically apologizing.  It was just too much.  Jack's hands clenched in his shirt and the tears refused to stop.  There was too much Sky didn't remember, too much that might never come back.  Jack was so, so far ahead of him... maybe too far.

Maybe Sky would never catch up.

"I love you," Sky whispered.  "I love you, Jack.  You're beautiful.  I can't believe you came after me.  No wonder SPD Earth wanted to get rid of you... do you ever do what they tell you?"

No, he thought desperately.  Futilely.  Sky didn't even know.

"No," Sky continued, voice still low and soothing.  "Of course you don't.  Robin Hood never met a law he liked, did he."

"You," Jack gasped, pressing his forehead against Sky's shoulder and a little surprised that the word came out at all.  "I like you."

"And I'm a law unto myself, is that it?"  Sky sounded gently amused, just talking for the sake of talking... the way the old Sky would.  For no reason except that he knew Jack didn't like the quiet.  "I guess that's fair.  If there was ever a visible manifestation of the law, SPD is probably it."

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered miserably.  His face was wet and hot and when he closed his eyes, new tears trickled down his cheeks.  He was a mess.  His pants were a mess.    Sky's probably were too, by now, though not for any happy reason.  Just through contact with Jack's.

"Normally I'd assume you're obnoxiously apologizing for the terrible organization you think I represent," Sky said, still very soft.  "But the fact that you're actually crying makes you sound a little more serious than usual."

"I didn't mean to--"  His voice broke, forcing him to swallow.

"I did it," Sky said, before he could finish.  "I kissed you like that, I... I'm sorry.  It's my fault.  I still don't--I still forget, how much there really is between us.  I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Jack mumbled, wishing there were any way he could stop crying.  If he could at least dry his face--but everything he wanted to do seemed to involve moving, which would bring with it a whole set of other problems.

"No, not totally," Sky agreed.  "You could have told me what I wanted to know instead of making me show you.  I know you knew what I was asking."

Jack smiled a little through his tears.  "You're so easy," he murmured.

"Oh..."  He felt Sky's neck twitch, like he wanted to shake his head but was restraining himself.  "You're lucky I feel sorry for you right now."

He didn't want to sit up, but it wasn't going to get any easier.  He pressed his palms against his cheeks in an effort to wipe them dry, but Sky reached up and caught his hands, pulling them away.  "I can," he said quietly.

And he could.  Sky knew what it was to wipe away tears.  His fingers were warm and gentle, and he dried Jack's face without another word.  Temporarily.  The gesture made Jack's eyes well again, and he pulled away before Sky could comment.

Standing up was sticky and uncomfortable, but Sky maintained his silence while Jack changed.  Until Jack couldn't stand it anymore, and he muttered, "I didn't mean to molest you, there.  My bad."

"I didn't mean to push you so hard," Sky said quietly.  He still hadn't moved.  "Those are real memories, then.  The ones I have of waking up next to you."

Jack couldn't decide whether he should worry about that or not.  "Is there stuff in your head you don't think is real?" he asked at last.

Sky gave him a dark look that Jack couldn't interpret at first.  "Answer the question, Jack."

Oh.  "Yeah," he said quickly.  "Sorry.  We, uh... we started, uh, messing around... right before D Squad.  I mean--before we were promoted."

"Most of the stuff in my head is about you," Sky said, like they were trading.  Answer for answer.  "You might have noticed you're kind of hot.  Sometimes it's hard to tell what I'm remembering and what I'm just... imagining."

Jack brightened, because that had to be a good sign.  "You have fantasies about me?  Like what?"

"Let's not--"  Sky's exasperation was tinged with amusement.  "Maybe we shouldn't go there again, okay?  Tell me about the first time."

"Oh, yeah, that's not going there," Jack retorted.  "Why don't I just give you a blow job while I'm at it."

Sky was staring at him, and, okay, maybe he shouldn't have said that.  But it was so easy to tease Sky, so natural--it was the first thing he fumbled for when he didn't know what else to do.  And right now he really, really didn't know what else to do.

"First off," Sky said, "I wouldn't say no.  And second, I fail to see the comparison, since no matter how hot I think you are, there's no way you can get me off just by telling a story."

It was Jack's turn to stare, because shit.  That was the old Sky talking.  Right there, like he'd turned back the clock, like Jack had never transferred... like they were young and stupid and making dares like that was just another way to pass the time.

"You wouldn't say no," Jack repeated, because it seemed safer than taking the challenge.

Sky just looked at him.

"Do you know how good you look with your clothes off?" Jack asked abruptly.  Then something occurred to him, and he added, "Actually, do you know how good I look with my clothes off?"

Sky's mouth quirked upward, and he didn't take his eyes off of Jack.  "I have some idea."

"Yeah?"  Jack was honestly curious.  "Do you remember?"

Sky raised an eyebrow at him.  "Hard to say."

Which meant that Sky's fantasies included him naked.  Sweet.

"Whoever can prove they remember what's under the other person's clothes," Jack told him, "gets to take them off.  What do you think?"

"I think you have an advantage," Sky said evenly.

"I think you need some motivation," Jack replied.  "You have a scar on your left shoulder from a skating accident.  You still have marks on both knees from an unfortunate heelie incident in third grade.  And you have no tan line on your lower back because you refuse to take your shirt off at the beach."

Sky blinked.  "Did you just completely undress me?"

"No," Jack said with a grin.  "But I'm planning to."

Day 3

He woke up to find Sky sitting next to him, in uniform once again and watching him intently.  Jack blinked, freeing a hand from under the blanket to scrub at his eyes.  Nope.  Still there.  Cross-legged, sitting beside him on the bed, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Sky sit like that.

He couldn't remember.  It scared him more than it used to, now that he knew he had to remember for both of them.  He might never be able to ask Sky about things he couldn't quite call to mind, might never be reminded of something he'd forgotten from the old days if he didn't do it himself.  Now everything he didn't hold in his own memory was something that might be lost forever.

Sky was still staring down at him, apparently untroubled by the fact that he was awake and wondering what the hell was going on.  Jack pulled the blanket up over his head and burrowed further into the pillow until he was sure Sky couldn't see him anymore.  "That's creepy," he muttered.

Except that it wasn't.  Sky wasn't losing memories, he was trying to get them back.  And if staring at Jack helped, then maybe Jack shouldn't be so quick to hide.  He twitched the blanket back a little, peeking out from underneath.

"Not as creepy as waking up in a strange room," Sky said, his face inscrutable.

Jack threw the blanket back the rest of the way.  "Welcome to the club," he said, not sure what to make of Sky's attitude.  "It's not exactly my home sweet home, either."

"It could be," Sky said.  "I mean--"  He hesitated, searching Jack's expression, and it occurred to him suddenly that Sky didn't know what to say any more than he did.  "I could help you move in, or... settle in.  More.  If you wanted."

"Yeah."  It was the only answer he could give, but the fact that he had to answer at all--that Sky had to ask--made him wish that someone, somewhere had a magic wand that could make all of this go away.  Something that could make everything the way it was before.

"That'd be great," he added, around the lump in his throat.  "Thanks."

Sky kept looking at him for a long moment before he said, "I'd better... I should go.  Bridge'll wonder where I am.  You can probably imagine what will happen if he gets the whole team involved in a search."

Jack tried to smile, but he couldn't quite make it work.

He couldn't even get his voice to work, as it turned out.  Not until Sky had slid off the bed, pulled his shoes on, and made it halfway to the door.  Even then, with Sky's back to him, without those familiar eyes and their utterly unfamiliar stare, calling his name was hard.

"Sky," he croaked, and that was enough.  Sky stopped where he was, turning--coming back when he saw the expression on Jack's face.  Sitting up, blanket still over his lap, Jack frowned down at it instead of looking at his--looking at... instead of looking at Sky.

"What happened with Charlie?" he asked the blanket.  Because it was easier.  "I know she's still on the base.  I saw her name on the duty roster.  You ever talk to her?"

"I--"  Sky sounded surprised.  "No.  I mean, I don't--no.  I don't know."

"Do you talk to her or not?" Jack demanded, looking up at him.  He'd just woken up; he shouldn't feel this tired and frustrated.  "It's a simple question, Sky."

"I think I--"  Sky was frowning now, not looking at him.  Not intimidated.  Distracted by the question.  Not really even paying attention to Jack anymore.  "I think I used to.  I just--I mean... she's Charlie."

"Yeah, exactly," Jack said impatiently.  "Your team leader.  Your friend.  You don't talk to her?"

Sky gave him the strangest look.  "You're my team leader."

"I'm your boyfriend," Jack blurted out, before he could stop himself.

Sky just looked at him, and Jack had a horrible feeling in his stomach because he knew, he remembered what sex meant to Sky.  He knew Sky didn't sleep with anyone unless he meant it, unless he meant to keep doing it, unless...  Jack was the only person Sky had ever slept with.  He wouldn't have done it again last night if he didn't--

But that was the old Sky.  This was the new Sky.  The new Sky could have another boyfriend; how would he know?  He hadn't exactly denied it on Mirinoi.  He'd only admitted to being with Jack.

"Jack," Sky said quietly, and he was so sure he didn't want to hear this.

"Look, I'm sorry."  He slid out of bed, suddenly feeling like he was being dumped.  He grabbed his shorts, a t-shirt, the pants that came to hand.  "I'm not trying to--I know, it isn't like it was.  I'm just--I want to help; I don't know what else to do... this is--"

"Jack," Sky repeated.

"You don't have to say anything," Jack told him.  "Just go.  It's fine.  You can--I mean--"  Oh, god, what if it was Bridge?  It was; it had to be, and he liked Bridge--

Sky was staring at him as he fumbled into nothing, as the thought of Sky and Bridge together made him stutter, made him curse silently.  Made his whole world a little less.  A lot less.  Less stable than the tiny amount of certainty he'd been able to find for himself since coming back from Nebula.

"Seriously," Sky said at last, when he couldn't get out another coherent word.  "Do I ever get to talk?  I thought the whole domineering thing was because I couldn't remember.  I figured you were trying to protect me or something.  I have to tell you, though, the fact that you're still doing it is kind of annoying."

It was Jack's turn to stare.

Sky paused, long enough to give him a measured look, then added, "When I have something to say, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't completely ignore me."

He sat down on the bed again, and he wasn't sure if he'd done it to appease Sky or if his legs just wouldn't hold him up anymore.  He'd gotten his shorts on, and his pants, but his t-shirt was still in his hand and he couldn't make himself do anything with it.  It was too early.  Too late.  Too lonely; hell, he didn't know anymore.

"I know Charlie led C Squad," Sky said, eyeing him like he might jump up again at any moment.  "I remember.  I remember that she took care of us, but I--I don't... she didn't... we never clicked, you know?  We never--"

He held up his hand, and only then did Jack realize he'd opened his mouth.  He closed it again as Sky added, "I know, we should have.  We probably did, right?  Once?  I know that now.  But I didn't, not then.  Not for a long time.  That--it had to hurt, right?

"I mean, god."  Sky sounded suddenly bitter, or disgusted, or something.  "Look at you.  You can't even look at me half the time.  And you weren't here.  I've only had a few weeks to do to you what I must have been doing to her for years.  It's no wonder we don't talk."

Jack waited, not breathing, suddenly remembering that he should--wondering if he would accidentally suffocate himself one of these days, here on this base, with a Sky that wasn't Sky.  With a Sky that couldn't go on.  So he opened his mouth carefully and said, "Are you sleeping with Bridge?"

Sky stared at him.  "What?"

Oops.  That wasn't what he'd meant to say at all.  He'd meant to say something clever and forgiving, something that would remind Sky this wasn't his fault.  Instead he'd only proven that Sky's relationship with Charlie wasn't exactly his top priority.

"Why would I be sleeping with Bridge?" Sky asked.  He sounded more confused than anything.

"I don't--"  He caught himself just before he would have said I don't know.  "I just--"

"I'm sleeping with you," Sky said, frowning.  "Unless last night was some sort of shared hallucination, which frankly isn't unheard of around here, but--why would you even ask that?  Why would you ask that now?"

"I just--I didn't mean to say that," Jack muttered.

"What do you know about me?" Sky demanded.  "Is that what I used to be like?  Is that who you think I am?  Someone who sleeps with whoever's convenient?"

"No," Jack said hastily.  "No, Sky, that's not--"

"Because people change," Sky snapped.  "It's not losing the memories; it's called growing up.  I might not remember everything, but I'm not fourteen anymore."

"You never were," Jack blurted out.  "You never were fourteen.  You never slept around; I didn't--I--that was me, Sky, that question was all me.  It didn't have anything to do with you."

Sky eyed him.  "Do you sleep around?"

"No!" Jack exclaimed.  "I mean, I asked because I thought you--I was--"

"I was never fourteen?" Sky repeated, when he couldn't finish.

"You were always so serious," Jack said, because that at least was a question he could answer.  "You had to do everything right, and then you--"

"No, really," Sky interrupted, folding his arms.  "Do you sleep around?"

"No," Jack repeated.  "Geez, I'm sorry, okay?  I just thought, it's been a long time.  I wouldn't blame you if you were... you know.  Seeing someone else."

"I would have told you," Sky informed him.  "I wouldn't--last night never would have happened.  I don't do that."

"I know," Jack said desperately.  "I know that!  I know you.  I just--"

He just worried that he didn't, really.  Not anymore.

"Jack."  Sky's voice was softer now, less stern.  He reached out when Jack looked away, touching Jack's shoulder.  Sitting down next to him when Jack caught his eye, catching him when Jack leaned into him.  "You've proven that some things stay the same."

Jack closed his eyes, accepting the embrace.  "I missed you," he whispered, even though he didn't mean to.

Sky's answer surprised him.  "You still miss me," he murmured, arms tightening around Jack.  "I'm sorry."

Jack turned his face into Sky's chest and didn't answer.

They were still sitting there, holding onto each other, when a diffident knock interrupted the silence.  Jack didn't move.  He didn't care.  If this was as good as it got, then this was as good as it got, and nothing out there could make it any better.

He felt Sky sigh, but he lifted his head and called, "Who is it?"

"It's me," a voice replied.  "I mean, it's I.  Or it am I?"

"It's Bridge," Z's voice added.  "And Z.  You guys okay?"

"Are we okay?" Sky asked quietly.

The question made Jack lift his head, too, and he felt Sky's grip loosen.  "They might as well come in," Jack muttered.  "I mean... they're team, right?"

"They're team," Sky confirmed.  "And they're just as bad as--"

He stopped, and Jack watched a frown flicker across his face.

In the end, though, all Sky did was raise his voice again.  "You can come in."

The door opened and Z was the first one through.  Followed by Bridge, who almost tripped over her when she stopped abruptly.  Syd's voice came from somewhere down the hall, contributing to the confusion as Z and Bridge stared at the two of them on Jack's bed.  Bridge didn't look very surprised, but Z was clearly taken aback.

Jack made an effort, pushing himself into something more like a sitting position.  He was scrubbing at his face again, and geez, he'd cried more in the last--

"Jack?"  Z was already over her shock.  That was good.  She was also coming over to the bed, stepping carefully around the mess on the floor, and she looked worried.  "I guess this is all pretty rough, huh?"

"Nah."  He tried to smile at her.  "It's all right."

She sat down next to him, giving him a sympathetic look, and he saw Bridge hovering next to Sky.  He didn't miss the gloved hand that landed lightly on Sky's shoulder.  Sky saw him looking.

"They're my friends," Sky said simply.  He held Jack's gaze as he added, "They'll be yours, too.  That's how teams work, if you remember."

"Guys?"  Syd was in the doorway now, frowning around the room like she didn't even see them all there by the bed.  "Wow, this place is a mess.  How can you have this much stuff, Jack?  You just got here."

"Syd!"  Z glared over at her.  "Come on.  Sky and Jack are trying to have a moment here."

"Then why did they leave the door open?" Syd wanted to know.  She put her hands on her hips as she added, "And really, is it necessary to leave your entire wardrobe on the floor?  It may be easy to get to, but it must be really hard to find what you're looking for."

"Hey," Bridge said, like he'd just realized.  "Did you just admit that we're your friends, Sky?"

"What?"  This got Syd's full attention.  "Did Sky use the 'f' word?"

Only when Jack glanced back at Sky did he realize that Sky was still watching him, not the rest of his--not the rest of their team.  He felt a smile threatening to crack his expression when Sky, very deliberately, rolled his eyes.

Some things, maybe.  Some things stayed the same.

Day 4

"What happened?" he asked Charlie the next day.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

She didn't even look up.  "Comm lockout," she said curtly.  "Rules of the D Squad dissolution."

He hadn't been able to get past it either.  It still seemed strange, though, that Charlie had been stopped by something meant for mere mortals.  "You were here," he said.  "You couldn't do anything?"

"Apparently not," she told the screen in front of her.

Jack slammed his hand down on the console.  "He doesn't even know us, Charlie!  He doesn't remember anything!  Doesn't that kill you?"

"We lost him."  Her voice was cold.  "Denying it won't bring him back."

"He's not gone," Jack insisted.  He wasn't sure it was true, but he had to believe it.  "He just can't remember."

Charlie looked up, and her brown eyes were stern and unforgiving.  "What are we but the sum of our memories?" she demanded.  "He's not Sky anymore, and the sooner you accept that the sooner we can all move on."

"He is Sky," Jack said.  "He can get those memories back.  He just has to want it."

"You want it," Charlie snapped.  "Look, I'm sorry for what they did.  I'm sorry I couldn't save him.  We tried, Jack; you know we'd have given our own lives right alongside him, for him if it would have helped.  But we couldn't.  There was nothing we could do.  We both have to live with that."

"Since when did we ever give up?" Jack demanded.  "He can remember, he has remembered; you just have to talk to him--"

"You think I didn't try?"  She sounded furious enough to give him pause.  "You really think I'd just let this go?  I tried every fucking day until he blacked out, trying to make him remember, trying to force him past the amnesia: to the mission, to the attack, to us.  To anything."

Charlie had always been loud and confrontational and angry sometimes, angrier than him, for reasons she never shared.  On D Squad, they didn't talk about the past.  So he knew just enough to let her rage, to not get in her way when she was looking for something or someone to hit.

"He was in a coma," she spat.  "For 23 hours, he was in a coma, and after that they wouldn't let me be alone with him.  Wouldn't let me see him at all for two weeks.  And yeah, I'm sorry I didn't think of kidnapping him, except you know what?  I'm not, because even if he did remember he wouldn't take that shit from me!"

"He remembers," Jack said, when she stopped long enough to breathe.  "He remembers me, Charlie.  He'll remember you too."

She gave him a look that was cold and mean.  "Just because he knows a good lay when he sees one doesn't mean he remembers you."

"Go to hell," Jack snapped.  "I wasn't here.  I have no idea what you went through trying to get him back.  But that doesn't mean I don't get to try just as hard.  I earned that."

Charlie shrugged.  "Can't stop you," she muttered.

He'd missed her: her force and her irreverence both, and he hoped the last two years hadn't turned all her fun to steel.  He might be able to bring Sky back--and he wasn't at all sure of that--but he knew better than to think he could do a damn thing for Charlie.  She did what she did.

"If I drag him down to the shooting range tomorrow," Jack said, "will you come?"

She snorted.  "Only if we use live munitions."

Jack backed out of the room, pointing at her as he went.  "Done."

Night 4

Sky had spent another night at his mom's, and Jack had tried not to notice too much.  When the following day stretched into a second night without so much as a call, though, he couldn't decide whether he was shirking his medical duty or just really, really lonely.  Maybe it didn't even matter, since it brought him back to the Tates' doorstep either way.

It was Catherine who opened the door.  She didn't give him time to feel the tug of the past: not the old days, not even the time just two weeks ago when they had conspired to steal Sky back from SPD.  She just pulled him into the house and engulfed him in a hug.  

"Thank you," she murmured into his shoulder.  "Jack, thank you so much.  What you did... I can't thank you enough."

"Yeah," he managed, even as his throat closed up.  "Yeah, I--thanks."

It was all he could say.  Maybe it was all he needed to say.  Maybe not.  Sky appeared in the hall behind her and he lost any ability he might have had to speak.

Out of uniform.  In jeans and a t-shirt, and it was the first time Jack had seen him wear normal clothes since before he'd left.  Seeing him now, like this, it was suddenly clear how much older Sky had gotten.  He'd looked cold and foreign in his SPD gear, and the age hadn't shown past the wall of his uniform.

Now, though.  Those years had made a difference.  Maybe it was true, what he'd said, that Sky had never been a teenager.  But once upon a time, he'd at least looked the part.

Catherine was rubbing his back, standing beside him now, and he hadn't even noticed when she let him go.  "Hey," Jack said, choking out a greeting in the sudden silence.  "I just wanted--I mean... hey."

"I should have called."  Sky was watching him carefully, like he was checking to see if that was the right thing to say.  "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Jack said.  Just because he knows a good lay when he sees one doesn't mean he remembers you.  "I just--you know.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Come in," Catherine said, apparently fed up with their inability to communicate as she urged him toward the kitchen.  "We're just about to have dinner; I'm so glad you came.  You always did have the best timing when it came to food."

He tried to smile, but it felt forced and terrible on his face.  "I didn't mean to barge in like this...  I just wanted to make sure everything was all right.  I don't want to get in your way."

"What a ridiculous thing to say!"  Her smile lightened the words, and she didn't take her hand off of his back.  "You go sit down there; there's a place at the table.  Sky, if you'd get Jack a plate and some silverware, I'll get the rice in a bowl and bring the cod over."

"You don't have to--" Jack began.

"Please stay," Sky said quietly.  He hadn't taken his eyes off of Jack.  "Just--please.  I don't..."  He hesitated, taking a deep breath.  "I don't know what else to say, which is really frustrating, because I'm sure I would have known, once."

"Nah," Jack said, brushing it off automatically.  "You weren't really the talker in this relationship."

Sky didn't look away and he didn't smile.  "I don't think you like the quiet."

That was a little too close to the truth, and Jack didn't know what to say.  You want it, Charlie had told him.  He wanted to see memories in Sky's words.  Not manipulation.  But there was no denying that Sky could turn it on when he wanted to.

"I should have called," Sky muttered.

"You should have remembered," Jack said.

He hadn't meant to say that... or maybe he had.  But he shouldn't have.

"Yeah," Sky said with a sigh.  "I know."

The hangdog expression of someone who was trying to put one over on him?  Or the honest frustration of someone who was trying to get it right?  For whatever reason, Sky looked upset, and it occurred to Jack to look for Catherine.  He hadn't meant to come into her house, ignore her, and piss off her son.

She was over by the stove, serving spoon hovering over a bowl, watching.  When he caught her eye, she winced a little.  "I'm sorry," she said.  "It's my fault too, Jack; I should have known you'd be going out of your mind with worry."

"No," he said automatically, "it's okay."  The small amount of politeness the Tates had managed to instill in him was still habitual when it came to anyone but Sky.  But Sky had always been able to make him lose it... from the first day they'd met to the first day he'd come back.

"It's not," Catherine said.  "You risked everything for him, and here I'm stealing him away every chance I get."

"Mom," Sky protested, looking uncomfortable.

"I'd do the same if I could," Jack muttered.  "Believe me... I'm not being generous here.  If he wanted to be with me half as much as he wants to be with you, I'd never make him leave."

It was low and mean and he knew it.  He wanted Sky to feel guilty.  He wanted him to understand, to acknowledge, somehow, just how much Jack had done for him.  Not for the sake of justice, or compassion, or righting a wrong... Jack had done it because he wanted Sky back, and the only thing that could make it worth it was having Sky.

"Jack, I--"  Sky looked agonizingly affected by something Jack hadn't even been sure would get through.  He'd wanted it to, but he just wanted a thank you, a kiss, some appreciation--

"I don't know how to do this," Sky blurted out.  "I'm trying, I am, but I--it's just--"

"Why don't you go upstairs."  Catherine's voice was quiet and gentle when Sky couldn't go on.  "Show Jack the things you were looking through today.  Take some dinner with you; here... come put some food on your plates and take them with you."

"No, Catherine, it's okay," Jack mumbled.  "I'm sorry; I'm making this hard.  I'll just--I'm a terrible guest.  I'll go."

"You won't," she said sharply.  "You're family, Jack, and I won't have you acting like you don't belong here.  You put some food on your plate right now.  You too, Sky."

The motherly tone worked.  Everyone knew that voice, the one that said they were in trouble if they didn't do what she said Right Now.  So he and Sky were suddenly serving themselves, silently, mostly not getting in each other's way while Catherine poured them drinks and told them to take more of everything.

"Now," she said, setting Sky's glass down next to him and pushing Jack's into his free hand.  "Go upstairs and sort through the things in Sky's room.  God knows he doesn't need all of it, but I can't throw any of it away and I have no idea what B Squad cadets need in their rooms on base."

"Chairs," Jack said without thinking.  "Do you know," he added, when he realized he should probably explain that, "there's nowhere to sit in those rooms except on the floor?"

"Or the bed," Sky murmured.

"Really?"  Catherine shook her head.  "I thought by the time you made B Squad you'd at least get something in the way of furniture."

"Nope," Jack said.  "Turns out a cadet is always a cadet."

"Well, I seem to recall some old collapsible chairs from your D Squad days," Catherine said with a small smile.  "I think you'll find them buried in Sky's closet somewhere.  Maybe they'll still be strong enough for you.  If not, you could always get some new ones."

He thought he remembered the abuse those chairs had taken, and he was proud of himself for keeping a straight face--until he found himself in the doorway of Sky's room a few minutes later and he saw the Christmas lights.  White lights.  Little white lights on green strings, strewn over top of everything, like Sky had found them and hadn't been able to put them away again.

One strand with colored bulbs.  Oh, god.  Because he had insisted, because they were pretty, because Sky had pretended not to see when he snuck in the one colored strand between five boxes of whites.

Impractical, Sky had said.  The white lights were more efficient, provided better lighting, kept the colors in the room truer.  They were decorating for a competition, he'd said, not for a carnival.

Sky was watching him now, from a step inside the room.  Watching Jack stare at the lights.  Watching him remember.

"We did everything by those lights."  Jack had meant to be quiet, to keep his voice down, and he was surprised when it came out in a normal tone.  Catherine had said she was going to take her dinner out to the garden, enjoying the unseasonal evening warmth, but...

Sky was too quiet.

"You don't remember," Jack said, looking down at his plate.  It didn't matter; it wasn't Sky's fault.  "Where should I set this, anyway?  There's no room in here."

"Just make room," Sky said.  He pushed an open box out of the way with his foot, clearing space on the floor.  "Here.  You can even have your own table."  He set his own food down on the floor, replaced the cover for the box, and motioned for Jack to have a seat.

Just make room.

Jack wasn't above taking him up on it.  He wasn't expecting it when Sky plugged in a strand of Christmas lights, though.  He definitely wasn't expecting them all to light up, all around the room, glowing in all the little cracks where they'd been invisible until electricity surged along the line.

"I had them on earlier," Sky offered, sitting down next to him.  "To... I don't know.  To keep me--"

"To keep me company," Jack said at the same time.  He looked at Sky in surprise and found the same expression reflected back at him.

"You used to say that," Sky realized.  "They kept you company.  That's why I thought that.  That's why I wanted to say it all day long, but I didn't because it sounded--"

He broke off, looking disproportionately pleased and more sure of himself than he had since Jack caught sight of him in the front hall downstairs.  "You used to say that," Sky repeated.  There was no question in his tone.

Jack didn't know he was smiling until he found his voice again.  "Yeah," he admitted.  He felt just as weirdly happy as Sky sounded.  "I used to say that."

Sky smiled back at him, and for just a moment, Jack thought it was really working.

Then Sky asked, "Is it--do you mind if I kiss you?"  And it was almost, almost enough to make Jack scream.  It was right there, frustration so close to the surface that it frightened him.

"Did I," he said, voice calm somehow, "or did I not give you a blanket okay for kissing?"

Sky was looking at him warily, and that was good, that was--that meant that Sky got it.  Somehow Sky knew what he was feeling.  Sky wasn't joking around when he said, "It's not the most obvious time.  For all I know you're about to put food in your mouth.  It seems polite to say something first."

"I don't want you," Jack said, speaking as clearly as he could in the hope that he wouldn't--something--  "to be fucking polite."

He wanted Sky to be Sky.  Sky the way he remembered him.  Rude and obnoxious and unexpectedly sweet, all at exactly the right times.  He also knew that that was impossible, that even if Sky did remember--even if he'd never lost those memories to begin with--he wouldn't be the same person he'd been two years ago.  Jack wasn't the same either.

Unfortunately, he was so close to falling apart right now that he could barely be fair in his own mind, let alone out loud.  He knew it.  He knew Sky was trying to do him a favor by asking, and he knew that if he didn't say something right now that effort would be wasted.  And it wouldn't be Sky's fault at all.

"But," he said aloud, a second before Sky moved.  "Don't.  God, just--look at you, you've got me saying 'god' again!"  He couldn't say why this was the thing that was going to set him off, but it was.  "Fuck!"

"Jack," Sky began.

"Don't say anything!" Jack shouted.  "I'm this far from snapping right now--"

"Shut up!" Sky yelled.  "Just shut up, Jack!  I'm trying to talk and you can't even listen!  You keep hearing who I'm not--I'm not the guy you knew, and I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am because you're obviously the best thing that could happen to anyone and you like me, god knows why--"

Somehow, somewhere in there, Sky managed to breathe and he just kept going.  "But I fucking love you and all you can do is act like it doesn't even matter--I'm not him, but I'm me and maybe I'm worth--maybe you could--"

He got stuck there, like everything that had burst out of him was the only part strong enough to get past his doubt, his horrible reluctance to just be someone, anyone... to be himself.  He couldn't keep going, and Jack couldn't take the silence.

"Hey," Jack said, awkward and deflated. He kind of felt like that was his hysteria, like Sky had just flipped out for him and now there was nothing left to shout about because Sky knew.  He did know.  He got it.

They were still in this together.

"Hey," Jack repeated, reaching for Sky's arm.  "I could.  I do.  It's okay, we're--you're not alone in this, okay?  It's gonna be all right."

"I wish you could hear yourself," Sky muttered.  "Really, I really do, because I wish I could say half the things you say to me that make me feel like--like it's okay."

When he spoke, he barely paused, like using punctuation would keep the words from getting out.  And when he stopped speaking it was like... it wasn't a choice.  Like he'd forced that much out and he didn't have the energy to get the rest of it through his own uncertainty.

"It's okay," Jack said quietly.  He shifted closer, so their shoulders were pressed up against each other.  "It is, Sky, it's okay.  We're gonna be all right."

"How do you do that?" Sky whispered.  He was staring straight ahead.  Jack was trying not to let the Christmas lights blur in his vision.  "How do you say things like that?"

"I believe them," Jack said simply.  Sometimes more than others.  He figured that might be worth saying aloud.  "Sometimes more than others."

Sky didn't answer.  Jack at least could talk, which Sky didn't seem to be able to, so he tried to fill the quiet.  "You did," he said.  "The other night.  You said it would be okay, and I believed you."

"When you cried."  Sky was still whispering.

"Yeah, let's dwell on that," Jack said wryly.

"I cried a lot more than you did."

Jack opened his mouth, but that was... it was crazy to think it even mattered.  "Obviously," he said at last.  "After what happened to you--"

"No."  Sky's voice was suddenly sharp, the tentativeness temporarily gone.  "If you're going to make excuses for me, you can't--you have to--you went through just as much.  You're going through it with me.  Everyone is... you most.  More than everyone.

"You're not alone either," Sky continued, his voice more normal now.  "It'll be okay, and you're not alone."

Jack tried to smile, but he lost his battle with the Christmas lights and they started to swell, becoming bright sparkly blurs before his eyes.  "See?" he said, as casually as he could.  "Not so hard to say after all."

"I missed you," Sky continued.  "You should know.  I just--things are better now.  Things are better with you."

Jack scoffed, because it was that or sniffle and he so wasn't crying again.  "Yeah, I can just imagine.  Life is so much easier with me around."

He felt Sky shift, and he didn't realize what he was doing until he was right there, everywhere, wrapping Jack in an embrace that felt like being slept on.  "I didn't say easier," Sky murmured in his ear.  "I said better."

He wasn't in Jack's personal space so much as he was Jack's personal space.  Holding Jack the way he'd tried to hold Sky two nights ago, holding him up, holding him together.  Crushing him gently with his weight and his strength and now...

For the first time, Jack felt like he could breathe.

His lungs filled, the tightness in his chest easing even as Sky's grip didn't loosen and the deep breath made the embrace smaller.  He was safe here, contained, defined by the limits that Sky put around him.  The things that Sky knew about him separated him from the things he wasn't, somehow.

"I didn't graduate with honors," Jack blurted out.  "I know--"  It seemed almost silly now, but it was important to him that Sky know.  "You said you wanted us to."

He felt Sky's sharp breath, more than a sigh, less than a chuckle.  "You always confess," Sky murmured.  It was hard to tell whether that was confusion or wonder in his voice.  "When we do this, you always... you say things..."

He trailed off, like that was the end of the memory for him.  Or like he didn't know how to keep going.  For someone who spoke so well, Jack thought, Sky didn't say very much.

"When you do it," Jack said softly.  "When you hold me.  That's when I tell you."

If anything, Sky squeezed him harder.

Jack breathed again.

"I don't care about honors," Sky whispered at last.  It sounded hard to say, even in a whisper, and Jack felt him swallow.  "I just--I don't care about SPD, Jack.  Not really.  Not if you want to leave."

He tried to shake his head, but he couldn't move and he didn't care.  "Want to be with you," Jack mumbled.  "If SPD lets me, I'm okay with being SPD."

Sky didn't let up, didn't relax in the slightest, still crushing Jack against him with the glow of the Christmas lights all around.  After a moment, though, he did murmur, "Can you even breathe right now?"

Jack smiled against him, closing his eyes to concentrate on it.  "I'm fine."