So I was talking with someone today who was trying to sell me something. It went like this: HIM: “Do you take a multivitamin?” ME: “Sure.” (Not *entirely* true, but it seemed like the right answer.) HIM: “Well, this product enhancifies all of that!” ME: “…” (Note: I would be totally psyched if Word Bubbles [...]
Highlights of the Day 1. Flip side of a low river: walking out on the rocks in the gorge — very, very cool, although I could hear my mom’s voice in my head the whole time. (“Be careful! Don’t go too far! Watch the water level!” It could be dangerous!”) Thanks Mom! I felt much [...]
The day was divided into some pretty specific segments, each with their own lol-tastic moment or moments. 1. The Drive. Laws broken: 1 (Apparently my boss does not know about, or possibly chooses not to recognize, the existence of the open container law. And yes, twisted iced tea *does* have an alcohol content, though I’d [...]
The other day I was at work — it was closing, and I pulled out the vacuum, ready to do some cleaning. “Oh,” said my fellow closer. “The vacuum’s not working.” “Really?” I asked. “What’s wrong with it?” Because what else can you say? I was told: 1) Person or persons unnamed had tried unsuccessfully [...]
1. I’m not going back to school! 2. It’s like a billion degrees out. 3. Today we had animal cards at work, and I pulled the opossum card.
When I say, “It’s ten minutes till closing,” it’s not (as some might assume) because I have created some sort of imaginary time that I’m arbitrarily imposing upon the world. I’m saying it because it is, in fact, ten minutes till closing. Ways to verify my not-actually-ludicrous statement: 1. Every computer terminal and register in [...]
Most Random Question I’ve Been Asked This Week: Do you have any cheesecloth in your car? (Answer: no.) Most Random Thing I’ve Been Told To Check My Email About: Picking a lunch sandwich for a trip that’s not happening until Labor Day weekend. (I went with pasta.) Most Random Thing To Be Stressed About: Company [...]
Yeah, so I work at a store that sells vitamins and stuff, and if you find yourself in such a store at some point this winter looking for some immune boosting, cold-fighting, etc, etc, etc, products, here’s a tip: DO NOT BUY THE LOZENGES! A specific kind of lozenges, actually. We just got a new [...]
1. Least Professional Drink Ever For A Speaker: The Super Big Gulp. It was red. I LOLed. 2. Most Stupid Word That Was Vastly Overused: Traction. (As in, ‘your ideas need.’) But seriously, traction? That word has zero meaning in that context. 3. Most Pointlessly Redundant Phrase: Laser Focused. (As in, ‘on your goals.’) Because [...]
My boss kept hinting that it might be a good idea for me to go to a seminar, you know, to learn about leadership and stuff. IDK, I think the seminars are generally pretty useless, but it’s paid for by work *and* counts as a paid day, and if it makes the boss happy, why [...]