The Marci Rating System

The other day I was at work — it was closing, and I pulled out the vacuum, ready to do some cleaning. “Oh,” said my fellow closer. “The vacuum’s not working.”

“Really?” I asked. “What’s wrong with it?” Because what else can you say?

I was told: 1) Person or persons unnamed had tried unsuccessfully to get it to work the night before. 2) Possibly it wasn’t turning on/off correctly, or possibly it just wasn’t sucking up any dirt. 3) Word on the street was that the bag had ‘just been replaced.’

“Huh,” I said. Now, it’s a pretty basic vacuum. I’m sure there are lots of things that can go wrong with it, but there’s relatively few things that a non-handy person can check in terms of fixing it. Does it plug in? Does it turn on? Is there a bag in it / placed correctly / not full?

I felt sort of bad rechecking things that had apparently been checked already, but I thought it was worth a try. If I was going to tell someone we needed a new vacuum, I was going to be darned sure it was broken first. I disconnected the hose and opened it up — there’s only one button; it only does one thing.

Yeah, there was a giant fake daffodil jammed in between the end of the hose and the bag. I took it out. The vacuum worked fine.

MY BURNING QUESTION: What *exactly* did the people “check” the night before?

1. I’m not going back to school!

2. It’s like a billion degrees out.

3. Today we had animal cards at work, and I pulled the opossum card.

When I say, “It’s ten minutes till closing,” it’s not (as some might assume) because I have created some sort of imaginary time that I’m arbitrarily imposing upon the world. I’m saying it because it is, in fact, ten minutes till closing. Ways to verify my not-actually-ludicrous statement:

1. Every computer terminal and register in the store says the same time.
2. A quick glance at a cell phone — yup, same time.
3. Can you still call to hear a recording of the current time? If so, go for it.

Just because there is ONE clock that says a different time — a clock that has always, for as long as I can remember, been acknowledged as running four minutes fast (seriously, we’ve talked about its four-minutes-fast status at *staff meetings* before) — that does not mean I’m wrong about what time it is. It’s not equally likely that it’s ten minutes till close or six minutes till close. I’m not arbitrarily picking the one that’s longer just to be a pain in the ass, I’m picking it because THAT’S ACTUALLY THE TIME!

Yeah, work was fun tonight.

Scene 2: Neal helps Peter dress, and suggests an AU fic about accounting and mansions.

“If you’re working on this, I’m working on this.”
-Peter

Scene 4: Mozzie and Diana flirt.

Scene 6: Skype advertisement.

“We speculate all the time.”
“Yeah, on our cases, not on my life choices.”
-Peter, Neal

Scene 8: Neal looks bad in a hat, for once. What’s up with that?

“I think you’re just jealous that I got the penthouse and you got the paperwork for once.”
“It’s true; black is white, up is down.”
-Peter, Neal

“I haven’t even written my sonnet yet.”
“You have OCD.”
“Some might call it highly attentive.”
-Mozzie, Diana

“First week and you’re already a corporate shill? My condolences for your recently departed integrity.”
-Mozzie

“In the meantime, stay close to Diana.”
“Why don’t I just have coffee with Hughes while I’m at it?”
“You’re a hero, Moz.”
-Neal, Mozzie

Scene I’ve-lost-count: Peter suffers severe caffeine withdrawal.

“What happens when we do find Fowler?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Together.”
-Neal, Peter

“What if I’d never joined the FBI?”
“Would have made my life a lot easier.”
“Yeah, mine too.”
-Peter, Neal

Final Scene: COMMUNICATION! OMG, they did it! Congratulations, guys!

“What if justice isn’t good enough?”
“It has to be. It will be.”
-Neal, Peter

I think my ipod is trying to send me a message.

I’ve always thought the idea that ipods somehow favored certain songs was intriguing, in the way that it seemed neat and mostly harmless and probably impossible to prove. I don’t know, I never really understood probability, I just memorized the book problems so I could pass the tests in school.

But I’ve recently started loading audiofics on my ipod. Here’s the breakdown:

23: the total number of audiofics I have in itunes; I’ve never had more than 16 loaded on my ipod at one time

11: the total number of audiofics I’ve listened to (and enjoyed every one!)

1: the number of audiofics my ipod has picked to “shuffle” into place to automatically start playing after whatever fic I’m listening to ends

That’s right — my ipod “shuffles” the *exact same fic* into the “play next” slot *every time.* It’s getting a little creepy, actually. I mean, every time? And it’s not like it’s picking a quick happy fic or anything. Oh no, the fic that my ipod *really* wants me to listen to? Freedom’s Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose, by synecdochic. And I’m always like, ‘No, it’s going to make me cry, and I’m on my way to *work,* come on!’

But I’m ready to give in. Fine. Not tomorrow, because my car’s going to the garage car spa tomorrow. But the next day! There will be audiofic, and it will be Freedom’s Just Another Word.

Heck yeah, that’s what I’m talking about: 100 day streak at 750words.com =

iamshadow’s Sherlock Rec Post of Doooooom

Lots of stories, both gen and slash. I’m generally lazy, and don’t have easy access to the show (read: it doesn’t magically appear in front of me on my computer screen), so this was perfect. New fandom, new fics, already vetted and recced by someone else!

I particularly enjoyed Not Even Half Time, by lantean_drift
An episode tag for “The Great Game,” but works with zero knowledge of the episode. Love the text messages.

“One thing?” John broke the easy silence as they limped towards the main road to find a taxi.

“Hmm?”

“You didn’t read the text messages,” he pointed out.

“Ah. No. But it was obvious what they were,” Sherlock sniffed.

“No it wasn’t,” John argued.

“No, it wasn’t” he agreed. “But it was a good guess. What did the last one say, by the way?”

Amount I Slept Today: a lot

Amount of Progress I Made On My To-Do List: a little (okay, none)

Amount of Motivation I Have To Be Productive Tomorrow: decreasing in direct proportion to the amount of time left until tomorrow becomes today

“Michael, Jesse vowed to put a bullet in you. That should put him at the top of your to-do list.”
-Fiona

“Did it ever occur to you that representing people who pay their bills in cash isn’t the safest profession?”
-Michael

“Now, they’re probably watching us right now, so shake my hand, go to your car, and let me do my job.”
-Michael

“One effective trick for identifying a tail is what’s known in the spy profession as ‘running errands.’”
-Michael

“I controlled him just fine; it’s not my fault he was rude! That was a command performance!”
-Fiona

“Where’s Michael.”
“Ah, he had a meeting.”
“Don’t tell me. Vaughn.”
“Wish I could tell you different, but yeah.”
-Fiona, Sam

“Well, I’ll bring your mom. Jesse might shoot me, but there’s no way he’d take her on.”
-Fiona

“Like, I said, I’m a miracle worker.”
“Okay. Show me a miracle.”
-Michael, bad guy

“You just smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in an hour. Do you have any idea how bad that is for you?”
“It’s probably better for my health than hanging around waiting for a burned spy with a grudge.”
-Fiona, Madeline

“Not to state the obvious, Mike, but if Jesse was here we wouldn’t have to work with a guy with a neck tattoo.”
“Point taken.”
-Sam, Michael

In Honor Of Power Morphicon: The Power Rangers Quote Most Suited To This Episode

“It’s cool, Andros, but why do we need a new vehicle?”
(obvs, because who *doesn’t* need a submersible?)

Most Random Question I’ve Been Asked This Week:
Do you have any cheesecloth in your car? (Answer: no.)

Most Random Thing I’ve Been Told To Check My Email About:
Picking a lunch sandwich for a trip that’s not happening until Labor Day weekend. (I went with pasta.)

Most Random Thing To Be Stressed About:
Company picnic. If there was *any* way I could gracefully get out of this thing, I would do it. (At this point the whole ’sharp pain in the right side, have to go to the hospital’ story is looking good. Thanks, season 1 of Supernatural!)

Most Random Free Sample I’ve Been Offered This Week:
Trial size lubricant. (I could never be a product rep…)

Most Bafflingly Irritating Mystery Of The Workplace:
What is that icky smell in the kitchen? (And no, the fridge does not have a drip pan. Checked it this morning. Who knows what *is* under there, but it’s not a drip pan.)